So, it’s almost 1 am as I lay in my bed. Tomorrow is my last day of school, i have to present a poster on an experiment me and a lab partner ran and it’s just a cake walk. Earlier today I took my two final tests and 1 I literally think I got 100% in and the other I am glad to feel that I at least think I did well HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA once I took those tests, I felt a huge weight lift off of me and I feel like I ended the semester on a good note. Probably might get an A in one class, probably 2 B’s, probably a B and a C, I’m just honestly happy i passed. My semesters before this I would cringe when grades came out hoping to see at least a C- for these upper division classes I’m taking. I wholeheartedly hate that feeling. Trust me, they aren’t easy classes, anyone who is a BS Chem major can agree. So this semester knowing I’m going to pass for sure, having the hopes of shooting for something better than a C, felt so good!
Reflecting on this semester, last semester, pretty much the last couple years, I’m proud of how far I’ve come to reach this point. My parents severed me from their lives, threw all my shit on the front porch and told me to fuck off pretty much. Told me to change my address on everything cuz they’re tired of getting my mail. Complete bullshit. My gf at the time was there for me during that crisis. I can’t thank her enough. Her and her family took me in and gave me shelter and supported me while I was in college. They’re truly amazing. All while I commute an hour to school, an hour back home, working sometimes 40 50 60 hours a week, up for 20 hours at a time, nodding off while commuting to school because I’m so tired, still managing to make it through school half asleep. I’m proud of myself. Waking up at 1 am to get ready for work that’s at 2am, get off around 7 8 or 9am, hopefully, go home and get ready for school, drive an hour to school, leave school around 8pm or so, don’t get back home till after 9pm, and try and sleep around 10pm if I’m lucky. And then I do again the next day. How the hell did I do it? I don’t know, but i did.
I’ve had to cut out friends because of a misunderstanding that was going to divide our friend group in half, so i decided to just walk away and let them have each other. I’ve met incredible people at school, and befriended tons through my other job at my college. Oh yeah, I have two jobs as well, forgot to mention that. They’re so supportive and honestly the best people on earth to be around and to have in my life. Eventually, I hurt my gf so much during our 3+ year relationship that she couldn’t trust me anymore. There was always this doubt in her head of what i was doing, where I was at, who I was with, etc. It became unhealthy, but I understood it. She was just scared of losing me, and in the end she did. We broke up, mutually, and because I was staying with her and her family i felt like I didn’t belong there anymore.
So I started looking for people who needed a roommate, and lo and behold my coworker at school who says a spot just opened up in his house. I jumped on it. During the last month I was at my ex’s house, we talked about everything. Her parents listened to us, cared for us, gave us great guidance and advice, made things a lot easier. Don’t be mistaken that there wasn’t the fresh breakup rage and sadness that happens in every relationship, it was still there. But we got past that stage and we became closer than ever. It’s so ironic. She helped me move, she helped me get furniture, she helped me build furniture, she’s amazing.
So now after I settled in, finished my last two weeks of instruction and then this weeks is finals week, taking those tests was like a cherry on top. It felt soooo good being able to sleep for hours on end in a brand new bed, and only drive 15 min to school. It felt soooo good taking notes with a full nights rest, going to the gym with energy to actually lift things, studying and taking exams with a fully rested mind. I noticed a big difference. I strengthened my mind and body, and throughout all these experiences these past couple months, I strengthened my soul as well. There’s times where I felt like I could’ve broke at any moment, but I didn’t and kept pushing and fighting. And here I am now. One semester away from this degree I’m killing myself for. A degree that I cut off friends for, that I lost sleep for, that i worked myself to the core for, that I starved for, that I almost crashed and died for.
I’m so close to graduating I can taste it. To those that supported me, I appreciate you and everything you’ve done for me. Fuck my siblings for ruining their lives and trying to ruin mine, fuck my parents for throwing me away because I was “never good enough” or “wasn’t just like them,” fuck my friends who thought they double cross me or stab me in the back when I wasn’t looking, fuck the people I put my life on the line for and they didn’t do the same for me when I needed it. It’s their loss they aren’t in my life anymore. I will NEVER give up on ANYTHING, no matter how small or big the goal is. NOTHING will stop me from achieving what I want to achieve.
And once again, thank you to everyone who supported me to get to this point where I am at now. And if you take the time to read this, then you have also supported me, and I thank you for it. If you are fighting challenges, don’t go down without a fight. If you are battling emotional states that are negative, please do not give up. Find your happiness, find your passions, go drive as far as you can somewhere. What’s stopping you? Life isn’t supposed to be this event where people are as shitty as can possibly be to you. It should be filled with joy, with laughter, with care, with love for yourself most importantly and for others. Genuine love! Be better than those that came before you, learn from their mistakes, and make the world a better place for the next person. And one day, you will reach your goals with hard work and dedication!